Can you give me advice on my ';fear of intimacy';?

I never had much positive reinforcement growing up. I was a target for bullies, girls shunned me. I felt like crap most of my early life. I didn't have a girlfriend until I was 18, that relationship lasted 2 years, and I should never have been involved with this girl. She is IMHO a sociopath. However, losing her seriously ruined my confidence, what little I had anyway. To try to ease the pain of the suddon loss of intimacy, I very stupidly turned to internet porn to try to fill in the intimacy gap I was experiencing. It's now 5 years later and I haven't been involved with a woman in that time (although I have been rejected plenty of times) and I am still addicted to the porn. I try to kick the habbit, I know it's disgusting. I hate it. I can't seem to kick it though. I see the world passing me by, and my ability to pull myself together is rapidly deteriorating. No one knows my situation. Not even my family. I don't know what to say to women. What they want. Does anyone have any advice?Can you give me advice on my ';fear of intimacy';?
Of course, ';fear of intimacy'; is essentially a certain type of fear. And if we truly, deeply understand fear itself, then the particular, specific fears we experience take care of themselves naturally.





And of course, intimacy involves a degree of vulnerability, and many folks are afraid of being vulnerable.





But it also goes deeper than that.





Could it be that during moments of intimacy, another person sees us in a way that we don't see ourselves . . . and so it threatens our idea of who we are?





Who we think we are - our idea of who we are - we will call, for our purposes here ';ego';.





Perhaps intimacy is a glimpse beyond ourselves (beyond our ';egos';) - it is a momentary, intense, terrifying experience when we know - if only for a few moments - that we are not who we think we are. And these glimpses, as powerful as they are, are terrifying.





The ';solution';, then, for a ';fear of intimacy'; . . .





- lies in broadening your understanding of ';who you are.';





This process essentially means really, truly finding out who you are. This means not only discovering a ';new you,'; in a way, but also means discovering who you aren't and, in a way, ';dropping those egos';. Because it is very likely that, if you embark on this search and are sincere about wanting to find out . . . you will discover that you are not who you think you are.Can you give me advice on my ';fear of intimacy';?
Yes. Seek help for your addicition. It's no different than any number of other addictions. Until you address it, you will never have real intimacy in your life again, and you obviously want it.
I have that same fear. I do not know were it comes from. I cant even confront a girl without being extremely nervous to the point of a panic attack. I don't know were it comes from or how to deal with it. I just know that as far as I can remember, its been part of my life and as Ive gotten older - my problem has gotten worse.


I suppose that I must have a fear of rejection.





I don't see your problem with porn as a big problem - actually, that's normal to a certain extent. It seems to me like you have a low self-worth. The only thing I can tell you is that you've got to find that value of worthiness within yourself again. Eventually, a girl will accept you for who you are - but first, you must accept yourself for who you are.





I hope things get better for you. I understand your problem - I struggle myself. If you'd like, my email is slattonjerry@yahoo.com





stay up
There is help available for your addiction. 12 step groups and other avenues as well. Counseling would probably also help. Be proud of yourself for realizing you need help.
To boost your confidence I recommend the free hypnosis trance from: