Please advice. Help improve my hob description . 10 points for the best advice. Thank you?

Describe how your experience, qualifications and competencies match the position for which you are applying. (Required.)








I am interested in applying for Staff Assistant, G-5 positions at The United Nations. The skills that I have developed from work experience, academic background, and professional development training support my strong interest in the program.


As indicated in the Personal History Profile, I have my Bachelor of Arts in Political Science and minor in Geography. I completed my undergraduate degree in 3 years from Edinboro University of Pennsylvania (2003-2006). In addition to studying, I participated in many extracurricular activities; Vice President of the Asian Club; Coordinator of educational related trip to Harvard University and the Massachusetts Institute of Technology; and Hostess of my university and our honorably guest speaker was the First Secretary of the Consulate General of Japan in New York.Please advice. Help improve my hob description . 10 points for the best advice. Thank you?
Just a few grammatical suggestions:


1st paragraph, change to ';and as Hostess of my university our honorable guest speaker was the ...';





3rd paragraph, change to ';At the present time, ...';;


';conducting research for the MBA program coordinator';;


';professional development training including the Peoplesoft...';





4th paragraph, change to ';for excellent customer service';





Last paragraph, change to ';I am a hard worker who is highly motivated ';





Otherwise, looks great! Good luck!Please advice. Help improve my hob description . 10 points for the best advice. Thank you?
Sorry, I have to give up the 10 points. I can't think of a single thing to add. Very nice job! Very impressive as well. Well, I just work doing data entry so I really have nothing to compare it to. But awesome job all the same. Good luck to you!